the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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