4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
