awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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