the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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