my being single is dangerous.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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