According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize