I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
