Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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