Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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