so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
