So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
