Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
