why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
