If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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