How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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