There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
