I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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