don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
