i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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