She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
