yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
foreskin is a definite game changer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
