Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
