his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
