you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
