Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we made out on top of his cat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
