we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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