I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
