Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
