i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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