I can text with my tongue
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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