umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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