Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
