Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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