cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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