life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
