1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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