she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
