you would pick up someone in the library
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
