so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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