Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
