first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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