I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
