DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The uberlube is also flammable
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
