I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
