you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
