The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
