So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
