i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
