The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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