I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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