Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
