thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
