if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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