Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
