just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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