We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
