you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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