I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
