So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
