just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
