new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
