so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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