I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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