Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
