Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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