im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
