It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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