You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you will always have a special place in my vag
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
