Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
