im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she looked like the before picture.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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