I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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