dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
