I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Still dying that you shit outside
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The power of my boobs compel you
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
