You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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