apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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