Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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