He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.