Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm getting married
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!