2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted