Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
