you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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