she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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