i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That was an excessively violent trivia night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
