he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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