I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
