Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
