he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
